Biggest Evil Prank Ever
by MehLikey
Summary: Mayuri and Szayel are tired of being pranked by Rukia, Gin and Grimmjow. Therefore, revenge! Though they may have taken it a little bit too far. (But they are crazy/mad scientists, they don't care about it. Anyways, it was a successful experiment.) And just to make matters worse, Ichigo and Shuhei have been roped in too. Will they ever make it back to the Soul Society alive?
1. Prologue: Finally, Revenge

**AN: Welcome to the mad ramblings of my brain.**

**Because this is fanfiction, the key word being FAN, all the Espadas are alive and living (almost) peacefully with Soul Reapers. Gin survived and was forgiven.**

**Mayuri and Szayel are NOT friends, accomplices or anything of the sort. They are rival (evil) just joined together to get rid of a common enemy.**

**I guess this makes my fanfic slightly AU. If you see anything that doesn't seem to be canon, use your imagination. This is a fanfic and I will do whatever I want with it. No flames please. They hurt.**

**If you look hard enough at my story, you could probably find tens of millions of pairings that I have accidentally written. I don't plan on having any pairings in this story, but squint and you'll probably find some. :-)**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Bleach.**

* * *

**Prologue : Finally, Revenge.**

Mayuri was sick of being pranked by Rukia and Gin. Szayel was sick of Grimmjow pranking him. They'd had enough. So they put their minds together and came up with a master plan to make sure that they were never pranked again. Yes, their plan might be a little over the top but they felt that it was necessary to get rid of the culprits forever. They couldn't just go and kill them as that would be annoying because they would put up a fight and the Head Captain would not be happy. So they had to come up with some other devious way to get rid of them. They decided to get rid of them and play the biggest prank ever at the same time. And because this is Mayuri and Szayel we are talking about, it was a cruel plan. But, it was a smart plan (duh).

All they had to do was make the potion, somehow feed it to their culprits and chuck them through the Senkimon. Simple enough. Or so they thought.

Nothing was ever as easy as it seems. This time was no exception.

Their plan had gone brilliantly until now.

Now they had two extras to deal with. As they stared through the door at the scene, they started wondering if maybe, just maybe, they went too far.

No, there was an easy solution to this problem. Just chuck the extras through the Senkimon too. Problem solved.

Now I suppose you're all wondering what happened. Let me take you back to earlier that day.

* * *

"Ahhhhh." Sighed Yumichika, stretching out on a roof top next to Ikkaku. "What a beautiful day."

And beautiful it was. The sun high in the sky and crickets chirping, no-one wanted the day to end.

Ikkaku agreed. "Yep. Lovely day it is. Now if only there was someone to fight."

"Fighting on such a day is ugly." Said Yumichika in typical Yumichika fashion. "Why not do something pretty? Like a party."

Ikkaku bolted upright. "You know, that's a great idea."

And so the preparations began. News raced around the Soul Society faster than Yourichi with a dog on her tail. Everyone wanted to go. Rangiku and Shunsui started gathering all the sake they could find for the evening. Somehow, Ichigo and his friends got word of the party and they had been invited too. Byakuya was rifling through his closet, looking for the perfect gear, most likely some regal looking thing that costs millions. Kenpachi had run off somewhere, probably looking for Ichigo and Grimmjow had followed hoping for a fight too. Gin and Rukia had locked themselves in room and every now and then evil giggles could be heard if you stood right outside the door, just like Renji was doing. Toshiro was in a grump, realising that it was being held in the tenth division barracks, courtesy of Rangiku.

When Mayuri and Szayel heard about this, they grinned. Perfect timing. They had just finished their potion and were satisfied that it was going to work. So they started making their own preparations.

By the time evening had rolled around, the venue for the party had been decorated magnificently. Food and sake lined the tables along the walls, inviting shinigami, arrancar, vizard, quincy, human or whatever to come take a bite. Music was playing in the background and space had been cleared for dancing.

Finally, the doors were opened and everyone streamed in.

Within the first hour, Rangiku and Shunsui were drunk and dancing around to their own rythm. People like Ikkaku, Renji, Izuru and surprisingly, Shuhei and Starrk were quick to follow suit. Lilynette and Yachiru seemed to be bouncing off the walls, probably thanks to the massive amounts of candy they had consumed throughout the course of the day. Somehow, someone coughginandrukiacough had managed to slip sake into Byakuya and Ulquorria's drink and they were dancing together looking like a happy, gay couple. Ichigo was hiding under a table, while Kenpachi and Grimmjow fought, having given up on Ichigo appearing. Zommari was smoking something (don't ask) and Aaionero was checking out Yumichika. Nnoitra was last seen bringing out a gigantic spork and vowing to destroy all spoons in the vicinity. Obviously drunk. Toshiro and Barragan were both sulking in opposite corners of the room. Jyushiro had fainted in yet another corner and Retsu and Hanataro were tending to him. Isane and Nanao were having a girly discussion. Orihime had been dragged along with Rangiku. Uryu was sewing. Yes, sewing. And the list goes on and on but I would be here all day trying to list it. You get the picture.

About three hours into the party, things were starting to settle into a rhythm and everyone had found their place in the room. Well, except for a missing Harribel who hadn't been seen since Nnoitra reappeared and threatned her with his huge spork. Actually, make that two people missing. Nnoitra was gone too. Suspicious? definitely.

Mayuri and Szayel, huddled in opposite corners of the room decided to take action. They had already planned out who was doing who and all the stuff like that. There was no way it could go wrong.

Mayuri left his corner and Szayel left his, making Toshiro and Baragan breathe a sigh of relief. They were once again the only people...err..shinigami...errr... and arrancar in the corners.

Mayuri sidled up to Gin, and while he wasn't looking, slipped a drink into his hand. Mayuri moved to hide behind part of the crowd, but made sure he could still watch.

Gin absentmindedly raised the glass to his mouth and took a sip.

Mayuri smiled. One down, three to go. He moved off to go onto the next victim, Rukia.

What Mayuri didn't see was a drunk Shuhei stumble up to Gin, take the drink out of his hand and down the rest.

Gin grimaced suddenly, a change from his usual grin. He flapped his hand at anyone who was listening and told them he was going for a breather in the back room (AKA Toshiros room.). After a few seconds, Shuhei mumbled an excuse and left too.

Meanwhile, Szayel had finally managed to convince Grimmjow to stopped fighting Kenpachi and was offering Grimmjow the drink.

But Grimmjow was stubbornly refusing to drink it. Something about not trusting Szayel because the last time he had drunk something Szayel had given him, he had bats (Ulquorria included) following him around for days.

But Szayel had known this would happen and he planned ahead.

"It'll make you stronger." He said temptingly, waving the innocent looking drink under Grimmjows nose.

"Stronger?" Inquired Grimmjow curiously.

Szayel nodded vigorisly. "Strong enough to beat Kenpachi in one hit."

Grimmjow raised an eyebrow, slightly sceptical. "Okay..."

He plucked the drink out of Szayels hand and took a sip.

Szayels grin grew wider. Grimmjow frowned. "That did nothing. Goddamnit Szayel, what did you give me?"

Szayel disappeared, not wanting to get involved anymore.

Grimmjow growled and turned around. He noticed Ichigo trying to sneak out from under a table unnoticed.

Grimmjow smiled. May as well give Ichigo some potion too. Then he can hide away and watch what Ichigo does.

He stalked over. Ichigo looked up, a worried look on his face. "Crap. Grimmjow wha-glurghgughlglgug."

Grimmjow tipped the rest of the potion down Ichigos throat.

Ichigo coughed and spat. "What the hell Grimmjow."

In response, Grimmjow doubled over, in pain. "Going to take a breather." He slowly made his way towards the back room.

Ichigo shrugged, slightly confused but pissed at Grimmjow.

He straightened himself up, and left the table behind him.

"Grrggg" The pain hit him. What the hell had Grimmjow just fed him? Hopefully it wasn't drugs or poison or anything like that.

Ichigo started making his way to the back room too.

Szayel, unaware of the two extras, smiled. His job was done. Only Rukia left to go and Mayuri was doing that.

Somewhere else in the crowed room, Mayuri was having trouble finding Rukia. He had spotted her once and the second eye contact was made, she had giggled amd disappeared. He hoped she wasn't getting ready to play a prank on him.

Mayuri rounded the next gathering of people, consisting of... No. It couldn't be. Kisuke Urahara and Yourichi Shihoun. What were hell were they doing here? Technically, they're still banished. But the Soul Society has been rather alack about that recently.

Mayuri immediately turned around, and headed of the other way, wanting to avoid a meeting. Luckily, luck was on his side (For once.). Mayuri managed to get away without incident.

Then, he saw Rukia. She was with a group of unknown soul reapers, showing them a picture of what looked like...Chappy. Where did this woman learn to draw? It was horrible.

Mayuri pulled the potion out of one of his many pockets and grabbed an empty glass from a table conveniently placed nearby. He poured the potion into the glass and told a passing waiter to give it to Rukia.

The waiter nodded, familiar with the Lieutenant.

Mayuri disappeared so Rukia didn't know who told the waiter to give it to her. He knew the waiter would never mention it was Mayuri, because Mayuri had come in disguise. (And no, it wasn't a clown outfit.)

He watched once again from behind a gaggle of people.

Rukia took the drink, thanking the waiter and looked around for her mystery supplier. There was no guys around, well Zommari was around. But seriously? Zommari? He was high and going on about the...the...the...Purple Blanket Monster?! Huh? It eats beds? And people? And it likes...hugs and...abducting aliens so it can...tell them its life story?!

Anyway. Rukia shrugged and downed the whole thing. Mission success. A few seconds later she quickly and quietly made her way to the back room. For some fresh air. Like four others had. Gosh, what a coincidence. NOT!

* * *

A couple more hours later and the party was coming to an end and none of those five had made another appearance. Toshiro had been unable to go back to his captains room because Aaionero was hanging around and no-one wanted to get near him. Except for Charlotte. You know, Cuulhorne. The... God, it's too alarming. Just, you know, the hair and the...the... No. I'm not going there. But Charlotte wasn't around anymore.

Szayel approached Aaionero. "Good job. You can go now."

Aaioneros female voice answered. "Anytime." And left the vicinity.

Mayuri came soon after, out of his disguise. Why he had one in the first place is unknown.

"Ready for the final stage of the plan?" Mayuri asked.

Szayel glared. "Been ready for ages."

Mayuri shrugged and they opened the door.

This leads us to where I was before. You know, the extras.

Mayuri and Szayel looked at the five bodies strewn around the room in random amounts of pain. Five. Not three, five. Somehow the substitute soul reaper and and lieutenant they didn't know the name of had manged to have some of their potion too.

But, the substitute belongs in the world of the living anyway and the nameless lieutenant couldn't be that important. Nameless. Nah. It'd be fine. It was just a bonus.

After opening the Senkimon, Mayuri and Szayel got ready to chuck the pain riddled bodies through. Then they stopped.

The bodies. The damn bodies. The silly people weren't going to be able to get through the Dongai Precipice World in their state.

Mayuri looked at Szayel. "I'll call Nemu. We should be able to carry them between the three of of us."

Szayel agreed, having no better plans.

So Nemu was called and they made it through the Dongai Precipice World without any accidents. Namely, the cleaner.

Just before they left the five bodies in the middle of nowhere (a desert to be exact), Mayuri pulled something out of one of his many, many pockets.

It was a small pack of pills. Szayels mouth opened in shock. "Are those what I think they are?"

"Yes," replied Mayuri. "They are exactly what you think they are. These pills will immediately make a Gigai once swallowed."

Szayel laughed. "Wow. You sure have some great inventions. Perfection."

Mayuri frowned.

Szayel bit his tounge.

"Nemu feed one to each." Mayuri tossed the pill packet to Nemu.

"Yes, father." Nemu made sure that everyone swallowed their pills. They all immediately fell unconscious.

And without another glance back all three entered the Senkimon and made their way back to the Soul Society.

* * *

**AN: And there ends the first chapter. I hope you liked it. I didn't bother to research all of the correct spelling because the internet was down when I wrote this. Please, if you any spelling mistakes, tell me. I'm amazed, this is actually my longest chapter for anything yet.**

**Review. It only takes a few seconds.**

**-MehLikey**


	2. Chapter 1: The Sahara Desert?

**AN: And I start writing soon after first chapter is posted. Headstarts mean longer chapters. If you are wondering why I used the Sahara Desert. It's because I can. Hmmm. What type of animals live in the Sahara Desert? People eating ones? ... I hope there is. Otherwise I'll have to make do with a hollow.**

**Realised I have no clue how to write Gins accent. If anyone knows how, I would gladly appreciate the help. Hint hint.**

**Sorry if I don't update for a while, exams are next week and it's my first time taking them and I really need to revise. A lot. **

**One last thing, I apologize for any spelling errors. I am not looking up the correct spellings because I am a lazy bum who sits around doing nothing. You can take this as literally as you want. If any one wants to correct me, feel free.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. Duh.**

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**[Line break not working very well for some reason. This is my temporary line break. If line break shows up, YAY! This is just in case it doesn't show up.]**

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**Chapter 1: The Sahara Desert? Where's that?**

Take a map of the world. Search until you find the Sahara Desert. Zoom in. Zoom in some more. Zoom in even more. Zoom in untill you can see five shapes picking themselves of the ground and complaining. Stop. And watch.

"What the hell happened?" Grimmjow complained. "Stupid Szayel. Dumb potion."

Then he looked at the person closest to him, Gin. "Hey. Did you get smaller?"

Gin looked at him, smile still going strong. "Me? Nah. You got shorter."

Grimmjow growled. "Not funny."

He noticed Ichigo. Ichigo noticed him.

"You bastard. What did you feed me?" Ichigo looked angry. And like a kid.

Grimmjow shrugged. "Blame Szayel."

"Oh yeah. Why should I?" Ichigo snapped back.

Gin wandered off, bored of Grimmjows and Ichigos fight. He noticed Rukia and the Lieutenant of Squad Nine. He made his way towards them.

Rukia looked angry. Very angry. Maybe he should turn around before he's noticed. Nope. Too late.

"Captain Ichimary!" Yelled Rukia. "What in the world?"

"Wasn't me." Gins grin grew wider. "You look shorter too. Though not by much."

Rukia kicked him. "And Shuhei," Rukia said. Ah, so that's what his name was, Gin wondered. "Why are you here?"

No reply. Rukia poked him with her toe. "Come on. Up you get."

Shuhei didn't get up. Gin did. He walked over and stood next to Rukia. "Ya know, I don' remember changin' clothes. Or going to the desert."

Rukia looked at the only four people around for miles. They had changed clothes. And gotten smaller. Everyone was wearing now day outfits, well, except for Gin. He was wearing a dark blue yukata and bare feet.

"Also," questioned Rukia. "Why are your clothes different?"

Gins eyes opened the tiniest slither and Rukia noticed that they were blue. "Dunno."

He looked down at Shuhei. Ichigo appeared, having finished his fight with Grimmjow. "Do you think he has a hangover?"

Grimmjow joined the circle around Shuhei. "He did drink and awful lot last night."

Finally, a groan could be heard from Shuhei and he sat up very, very slowly clutching his head with one hand.

"Hungover." Chorused Gin and Grimmjow together.

"Ssshhhhhh." Rukia held a finger to her lips. "Don't be too loud."

Shuhei looked up at the four faces above him, ranging from concerned (Rukia), to uncaring to smiling. Wait? Smiling? What the hell was Captain Ichimaru doing here? And since when was he a kid. In fact, since when was Ichigo, Grimmjow and Rukia kids too? So Shuhei voiced his confusion.

Ichigo snapped his fingers. "Of course. It all makes sense now."

"It does?" Questioned Shuhei.

"Yes. We are Szayels test subjects." Said Ichigo in response to the question.

Shuhei frowned. That wasn't a good thing.

Grimmjow looked grim. "And why are we in gigais?"

Rukia spoke up. "My guess is that we are in the World of the Living. Mayuri was probably helping too because he recently made these pills that, once swallowed, immediately make a gigai for the soul reaper complete with modern clothes."

Grimmjow coughed pointedly.

"And arrancar." Rukia added.

"What 'bout Ichigo?" Gins smile had yet to drop. "He's human. He doesn't need a gigai."

"Kon was in my body when I left." Said Ichigo.

"The pill probably just made a gigai for Ichigo anyway." Rukia said, looking very pleased with herself.

Shuhei blinked. Was he caught up in this too? What his luck. He knew he shouldn't have drunken so much last night.

"So why are Captain Ichimarus clothes different then?" Shuhei asked, massaging his head.

Gin shrugged. "Ima captian. Personal preference?"

No-one could think of any better reasons.

"Soooooo. Where are we?" Grimmjow looked bored with the conversation.

Shuhei stood up slowly while everyone was looking around.

"The desert."

"What desert?"

"Uh."

"I wonder if there are any wild animals."

"Like rabbits?"

"Nah. Big cats."

"They would eat us. We're kids for the time being."

"Don't be such a pussy. We can just beat them to pieces with our zanpacto."

"Gigai. Remember?"

"Soul candy."

"... You have some?"

"Duh! And it's Chappy!"

"Seriously?...What's Chappy?"

"You don't want to know."

"Or do I?"

"Well, Chappy is the most popular soul candy in the Soul Society."

"Oh dear. She's started."

"What's so bad about it?"

"Don't bring out the pictures. Don't bring out the pictures."

"And here is a picture of Chappy!"

"Ah crap. She brought out the pictures."

"Where does she keep that art pad?"

"And here is me buying Chappy."

"...That doesn't sound right."

"These are shitty pictures."

"Shhh. She might hear- too late."

"Oh dear."

"Now, here is Chappy doing a dance."

"Do I have to see this?"

"Shh-Oh. She did it again."

"I like your pictures Rukia. So the bunny is eating the other bunny while a third bunny eats a...toilet?"

"MORON!"

"And there goes Gin."

"Ichigo, you like my pictures don't you?"

"Yeeeees."

"So you know what this is right?"

"Yeeeeees."

"Why don't you tell me what it is."

"Shouldn't you know yourself what you draw? Why do you feel the need to ask me?"

"Are you avoiding answering the question?"

"Noooo."

"You are, aren't you?"

"NO! Why would you think that?"

"SHUT UP!" Screamed Shuhei.

Everyone fell silent. And turned to look at Shuhei. Rukia put her art pad away and glared at anyone who happened to be near her. Grimmjow got off the floor. Ichigo's fixed smile disappeared, replacedby his usual frown. Gin, er, Gin smiled. Like usual. While in an awkward position on the ground. Typical.

"We're stuck in the middle of a desert who knows where and all you can do is think about animals? Don't you think we should be more worried about the fact that we've been turned into kids, dumped into the World of the Living and been given gigais?"

"They have an antidote so we may as well enjoy this little holiday while we can." Gin looked overjoyed. If that's possible. "No paperwork ..."

"Slacker." Muttered Grimmhow under his breath. Gin turned his smile on him.

"Hmmmmmm. Did you say something Grimmjow?"

Before Grimnjow could open his mouth and reply, Rukia yelled 'rabbit' and ran off.

"We have to stay together!" Yelled Ichigo and ran off after her. Shuhei agreed and started running, regardless of what his head was telling him. Gin and Grimmjow looked at each other before running of after Shuhei.

* * *

Szayel was passing Mayuri the next day in the Soul Society. He stopped Mayuri with an arm.

"Did you make an antidote?" Szayel withdrew his arm. He didn't want to anger the scientist.

Mayuri knew instantly what he was talking about. "Nope. Don't bother me again Szayel. We are still rival scientists. Come Nemu."

And with that Mayuri stalked off, Nemu dutifully following.

Szayel shrugged. Looks like they may never see any of those five again. Not a problem with him. He just hoped they didn't find their way back to the Soul Society. Imagine that. Five kids running around the Soul Society demanding an antidote while no-one has any memories of them. Yes, that would not be pretty.

He turned and went on his way to his lab. He was right in the middle of very important experiment. Very important. So important it might change the world. Or not. You never know until you try. He might turn out like Aizen. Or not.


	3. Chapter 2: Hollows

**AN: Not many people have reviewed, favourited, or followed yet. Please, it's just a few mouse clicks and/or a few buttons on the keyboard. If you like the story, do something about it. Don't be shy! Come on, tell me what you think. Please?**

**Realised rabbits don't live in deserts. Neither do man eating animals. Hollow it is.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.**

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**[Line break not working very well for some reason. This is my temporary line break. If line break shows up, YAY! This is just in case it doesn't show up.]**

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**Chapter 2 : Hollows and the Promise of Civilization.**

"RUKIA!" Grimmjows voice could be heard for miles. And miles. "STOP!"

Rukia ignored him and kept running. Of course.

"GODDAMNIT! STOP RUKIA!" Ichigo yelled, grumpy. Err. More than usual.

"Stop." Mumbled Shuhei weakly. "It's doing my head in."

Gin was...wait...Gin...was... No, I don't believe it...Gin was...skipping. Yes, you heard me. Skipping. Yes. Skipping. Like little girls do.

Anyway... Back to the situation.

Rukia had been running for about two hours. It was amazing that no-one had dropped, exhausted. It probably was because no-one wanted to be left behind in the middle of the desert. It was quite a scary prospect, given their current state.

Shuhei was definitly looking bad. Ichigo feared he'd stop soon and be left behind.

"RUKIA! SHUHEI'S NOT LOOKING TO GOOD!"

Rukia skidded to a halt. Grimmjow ran into her. "What the f*** Rukia? Now you stop."

Rukia brushed Grimmjow off and went to Shuhei, completely forgetting about the rabbit.

Shuhei looked fine. If anything, he looked slightly disgruntled.

Ichigo and Gin stood nearby, exchanging high fives.

Grimmjow wandered on over, just in time to see Ichigo, Gin and poor old Shuhei get the beating of their lives.

"What? Shuhei?" Grimmjow scratched his head and looked at Shuhei, on the ground now. "I thought you had a hangover and were having problems running."

Shuhei looked at him. "I was. Until I really found my pace. Then I got better."

"...Okay..."

Rukia sighed. "Whatever. You made me lose the rabbit."

"Did not." replied Gin.

"Did too."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Did not."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Did not~"

"DID TOO!"

"Did not~"

"DID TOO!"

"Did not~"

And so on.

* * *

**Meanwhile, in the Soul Society.**

Mayuri smiled as he handed Renji a pill.

"Here's the gigai pill you wanted." Mayuri smiled. Really big. Really, really big.

"Does it have a spiritual pressure hider?"

"No."

"Ah. Okay then."

* * *

**And back to the desert.**

Ichigo looked at Gin. Gin looked at Shuhei. Shuhei looked at Grimmjow.

Then they all looked at Rukia. Or rather, what was behind her.

"Hey Ichigo?" Asked Grimmjow casually. "What's the chance of all our noise and spiritual pressure attracting a hungry hollow?"

"Pretty high. Depends on what type of gigai we're in. But why are you asking Grimmjow? You're a hollow."

"Arrancar. Different thing. Hollows can't tell that I'm an Arrancar so they attack regardless. And then I kill them." Grimmjow cackled maniacally. "Just as I'll do to this one."

"Not if I get there first." Gins grin grew wider.

Ichigo looked at them both. Sorry but that hollow will be long dead by the time you two draw your zanpactos."

Rukia looked on confused, oblivious to what was behind her.

"YOU IDIOTS!" Shuhei yelled. All of a sudden he had the full attention of everyone. "There's a hollow. A hollow. We do not have our zanpactos. WE ARE IN GIGAIS!"

"Hollow? What hollow?" Rukia looked confused.

A bone chilling howl suddenly sounded.

Rukia spun around. "Ooooohhhhh. That hollow."

Palm, meet face.

Then she ran. And everyone followed. And off they went yet again.

But, stamina isn't going to do them much good against a hungry hollow. Why? They're only kids. Just little thirteen year olds. They can't go that fast. Their bodies just can't handle it.

And so, even after all their efforts, the hollow caught up to them.

"So hungry. Must eat precious souls. Precious souls." The hollow whacked Shuhei with his tail. He went flying. But, because it is not possible for a human to fly, up, Shuhei came down. Hard.

"Rukia," he gasped dramatically. "Chappy." And with that, he collapsed unconscious.

Rukia smacked her head and stopped running. "Of course. Chappy."

She pulled the canister out of her pocket.

"Precious. Yes. I will eat my precious. My precious will taste good." The hollow hit Rukia before she had time to eat the soul candy. The soul candy went flying out of Rukias hand and landed in Gins.

"Ima captain. I won't fight a hollow as weak as this."

And the soul candy canister was passed to Ichigo.

"There is no way I'm letting Chappy into my body."

And off went the soul candy canister again. This time, to Grimmjow.

He shrugged. "I still don't know what Chappy is."

Rukia growled at him from the ground, insulted.

"Later." She promised.

"Precious. I will eat all of my preciouses. Yum yum in my tum."

...Okay.

The hollow slowly advanced towards Rukia and Shuhei, obviously planning to eat the injured ones before going after the other three. It raised its deadly arm, spikes everywhere, to complete the finishing blow.

Slice. No more deadly left arm.

"Not so fast." Grimmjow had eaten the soul candy and had attacked the hollow. "Can't I have your soul instead?"

"Grimmjow eats souls?"

"Uh. No. I don't think so. Not any more."

"Must be a force of habit."

"Yes. A force of habit. Sure."

Anyway.

Slice. No deadly tail either.

"Noooo! You must stop it precious! My precious! Why are you doing this?! STOP IT!"

"Cero."

"NOOOOO! MY PRECIOUS! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE?! DAMN YOU PRECIOUS! STUPID PRECIOUS ARRANCAR, HIDING YOUR TRUE IDENTITY! WHY WHEN I WAS A LITTLE PRECIOUS I-"

And the hollow was no more.

* * *

**Now, another quick trip to the Soul Society.**

BEEP! BEEPBEEP! BEEP!

"Captain Kurotsuchi, there was a sudden wave of spiritual pressure in the Sahara Desert just now."

"One of them must of had soul candy."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"What about the-"

"Just ignore it."

"But-"

"Nemu's collecting some specimens for our next experiment."

"But why is she-"

"Stop bugging me."

"But-"

"GODDAMNIT! Do you want to be a research subject."

"Noooo."

"Then shut up."

BEEEEEEEEEP! BEEP BEEP!

"And shut that damn machine up. How am I meant to experiment with all that racket going on? Nemu, hand me the knife."

"Wait? I thought Nemu was-"

"FOR F***ING SAKE! SHUT UP!"

"Yes sir."

BEEEEEEEP! BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

"AND THE F***ING MACHINE!"

* * *

**And back to our young heros in the desert.**

"Does anyone know any healing kido?"

"Nope."

"Great."

"We'll just have to carry them."

"Ima captain. Not takin' anyone." Gin stepped away from the group.

"I'll take Rukia." Grimmjow eyed Rukia evilly.

Ichigo noticed Grimmjows grin. "No. I think I will." And with that, Rukia was slung over Ichigos back and into piggyback position.

"Fine." Grimmjow grabbed Shuhei and did the same thing Ichigo did with Rukia. "God, this guy is light. And skinny."

"Do you think he's anorexic?"

"Gin. Don't joke about stuff like that. I'm sure he's fine." Ichigo's frown made a dramatic comeback.

* * *

**Time passes...**

"Hey Grimmjow."

"Yes Ichigo."

"You were still in kid form while you weren't in the gigai."

"Yeah. And Chappy wasn't very nice to me."

"Haha. Shame Gin."

"Fine then." Gin sniffed.

"F***ing Szayel. How dare he do such a thing to me, Grimmjow, the king of all-"

"Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh."

"-that lives and breathes and everything dead too. I am arrancar who, on more than one-"

"Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh."

"-occasion beat Aizen to a bloody pulp. It was-"

"Sure... Yeah... Uh huh."

"-an amazing dream. You know I once-"

"WOW! Uh huh."

"Gin...Are you listening?" Grimmjow looked at Gin.

"Uh huh. Yep. Sweet." Gin was oblivious.

Grimmjow sniffed. "Fine then." And promptly shut up.

"You know, nodding your head and saying uh huh really works. I may have to try it some time on Rukia. Thanks Gin."

"I heard you." Rukias voice came faintly from where she was being carried upon Ichigos back. Shuhei was still unconscious on Grimmjows back. Gin skipped along beside them. Yes, skipped. Get used to it.

"Uh huh. Yep. Mmm."

"Gin?"

"Wow. Yeah. Uh huh."

"Gin."

"Oh yeah. Totally. Uh huh."

"GIN"

"Huh?"

Grimmjow interrupted whatever Ichigo was about to say. "Is that a city I see over there?"

Gin and Ichigo looked.

"Yep~" replied Gin. "That's a city~"

"Maybe we can find help there." Ichigo suggested.

Grimmjow nodded, in agreement for once. "Shall we head that way?"

"Duh."

And so their sorry procession turned their sights on the city in the distance.

* * *

**AN: And that's that chapter done. Don't forget to review. Virtual scorched almonds to any who can guess who I based the hollows personality. I will tell you next chapter though, just because I can. Thanks for reading.**

**Do you want to see our lovely heros go anywhere in particular? You can pick from anywhere in the world. I have a few things lined up, but it would be great to have some reader input. So give me your ideas, and I'll see if inspiration stricks with any of them.**

**REVIEWS ARE LOVELY! (Hint hint)**

**~MehLikey**


	4. Chapter 3: Catchy Songs

**AN: A friend and me started singing most of these on the bus just to annoy a second friend. :-) It worked. :-)**

**Congrads to flamingicequeen who was able to guess who the hollow in the last chapter was based off. I'll leave the guessing open for now, as only one person has even bothered to guess. Your review was so amazing I immediatly went and finished my next chapter. Virtual scorched almonds to you. :-)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.**

* * *

**[Line break not working very well for some reason. This is my temporary line break. If line break shows up, YAY! This is just in case it doesn't show up.]**

* * *

**Chapter 3 : The Catchiest Songs You've Ever Heard.**

"~I know a song that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves. I know a song that will get on your nerves and this is how it goes. Bom bom bom. I know a song that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves. I know a song that will get on your nerves and this is how it goes. Bom bom bom. I know a song that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves. I know a song that will get on your nerves and this is how it goes. Bom bom bom. I know a song that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves. I know a song that will get on your nerves and this is how it goes. Bom bom bom. I know a song that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves. I know a song that will get on your nerves and this is how it goes. Bom bom bom. I know a song that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves. I know a song that will get on your nerves and this is how it goes. Bom bom bom.~"

"SHUT THE F***ING HELL UP!"

"~I know a song that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves. I know a song that will get on your nerves and this is how it goes. Bom bom bom.~"

"Goddamnit. Gin I am warning you. If you don't shut up Ichigo and me are gonna beat you black and blue." Yes, that was Grimmjow. A very, very, very, very pissed off Grimmjow. And the lovely singer was Gin.

"Agreed." Ichigos scowl was deep. Very, very, very, very deep.

Gin paused. Gasp. And. "~I know a song that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves. I know a song that will get on your nerves and this is how it goes. Bom bom bom. I know a song that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves. I know a song that will get on your nerves and this is how it goes. Bom bom bom.~"

SMACK!

Gin stopped walking. Well, Gin fell to the ground. Unconcious.

"Smart move Grimmjow." Ichigo didn't look happy. "Now we'll have to carry him."

Grimmjow shrugged and turned to face the city again. "Or we could just leave him here."

"No." Rukias voice came from Ichigos back. "We are not leaving Captain Ichimaru behind. He's a captain and we have to show repsect."

Ichigo snorted. "Fat lot of good respect did. Look at what Grimmjow did to Gin."

"He deserved it. Infact, I probably went too light on him." Grimmjow started walking again. "Well I'm not carring the f***er. I already am carring an unconcious person."

Ichigo sighed. "Rukia, I may have to shift you a little bit. Is that okay."

"Hai." Rukias voice was faint, but still able to be heard by anyone who was close enough.

So after a bit of jostling, and a few awkward positions, both Gin and Rukia were being carried by Ichigo.

"You know, you two are a lot lighter than I thought you would be." Ichigo said as he quicked his pace to catch up with Grimmjow. Gin gave no reply. Duh!

"I'll take that as a complement." Rukia said and fell silent.

"She's asleep."

Grimmjow looked at Ichigo. "Oh. So we are the only two still concious?"

Ichigo nodded. "And the city is still so far away."

"I think we are getting closer."

"You think?"

"Shut up! It's not easy to tell in the desert! Bastard!"

"What did you call me?"

"I said bastard."

"Coming from you!"

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"You're the bastard not me!"

"OH YEAH!"

"OH YEAH!"

And so on. You get the gist of it.

* * *

**[Line break not working very well for some reason. This is my temporary line break. If line break shows up, YAY! This is just in case it doesn't show up.]**

* * *

A couple of hours later (coughtenminutescough), Grimmjow got bored.

"Ichigo. Why is the city taking so long to reach?"

"The desert can be deciving."

"So the city could actually not be there at all?"

"I don't think it's a mirage."

"Can't we just sonido there?"

A tiny cough came from Rukia who was obviously awake again.

"Uh. And shunpo." Grimmjow corrected himself.

Ichigo raised an eyebrow. "Do you want to carry our gigai too?"

Grimmjow made a grumpy face. "No."

"Then don't suggest anymore stupid things."

"They weren't stupid!"

"Oh, yes they were!"

"Oh no they weren't!"

"SHUT UP!" Rukia yelled.

Grimmjow looked at her, clinging onto Ichigos back like a sloth. Or something.

"Oh. Rukias awake." Grimmjow smiled.

"Don't make me kick you." She warned Grimmjow. She paused and held a finger to her lips. "But, can you hear that?"

Over the sandy hill came a sound. "~Found a peanut, found a peanut, found a peanut, just now. Found a peanut, found a peanut, found a peanut just now.~"

Grimmjow and Ichigo nodded.

"I hear it." Ichigo said.

"Me too." Grimmjow confirmed.

"Set a course for that hill." Rukia took a hand off Ichigo and pointed at the hill. Luckily, it was quite close by.

"~It was rotten, it was rotten, it was rotten, just now. It was rotten, it was rotten, it was rotten just now.~"

A man, probably in his late twenties came into view, having a pinic in the back of his car next to a empty road.

"Ate it anyway, ate it anyway, ate it anyway just. Ate it anyway, ate it anyway, ate it anyway just now~" he continued singing, oblivious.

"Civilisation." Rukia cried. "Finally!"

The man looked up from his pinic and stopped singing. He was wearing huge sunnies and a cowboy hat.

"Huh?" He mumbled. "Children? Is this a mirage?"

"DO I LOOK LIKE A F***ING MIRAGE TO YOU?!" Grimmjow yelled, stalking over to the man and yelling in his face.

The man tsked. "Language, my dear boy, language."

"I'll say whatever I f***ing want to." Grimmjow replied.

The man shook his head. "Where ever do children these days learn their horrible language?"

"I'M NOT A CHILD!" Grimmjow stamped his foot on the sand. Shuhei gave a little jolt on his back and as a result, Grimmjow got a glare from Ichigo.

The man raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Well then, what are you?"

Arrancar. Duh.

Obviously not said aloud.

Ichigo gave Grimmjow a warning glare.

"Be careful of what you say." he mouthed.

Grimmjow rolled his eyes. "

"I know, moron." he mouthed back.

The man smiled and waved a hand in the air while he spoke. "I know, you're a dead evil spirit who accidentally got put in a human body that is much younger than you actually are."

There was a few holes in that story that were not quite true but apart from that it was pretty much an accurate sum up of the situation.

Ichigos, Grimmjows, and ever so slightly, Rukias mouths dropped wide open.

"H-h-how did you know?" Grimmjow stuttered out.

The man shrugged. "Just a random guess. From your reactions I'd almost say it was true. Is it?"

"No!" Ichigo cut in."Of course not!"

"Why so surprised then?" asked the man, scratching his head in confusion.

"It...uh...was a really odd guess." Rukia said, popping her head up over Ichigos back. "It just shocked us, that's all."

And a good shock it was.

"Hey!" said the man pointing. "You have a girl on your back. And a guy."

"Yeah..." said Ichigo slowly.

"And so do you!" The man exclaimed, pointing at Grimmjow. "He looks hurt."

"No shit." Grimmjow growled. "Great work Sherlock."

Ichigo wondered how Grimmjow knew of Sherlock.

"How did that happen?" The man tilted his head to his side, curious.

"Uhhhh..." Ichigo went. "Well...you see..."

Rukia broke in. "Shuhei," cue weak pointing at Shuhei. "was singing a really annoying song and Grimmjow," cue weak pointing at Grimmjow. "punched his lights out. Same as Gin." cue weak pointing at Gin.

"Rukia got tired so I decided to carry her." Ichigo tilted his head at Rukia as none of his hands were currently free.

The man nodded. "Uh huh, uh huh."

"ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING?!" Grimmjow obviously hadn't forgotten about what Gin did to him earlier.

"Yes," said the man indignatly. "What do you take me for, a captain who hates paperwork and loves annoying people?"

Freeze.

"Another guess?" Asked Rukia hopefully.

"Sarcasm." Replied the man.

After a few minutes of awkwardly shuffling feet about in the sand, the man looked at them, hard.

"So..."

Uh oh.

"What's your name?"

"Me?" Ichigo questioned.

"Yes."

"Kurosaki Ichigo."

"Are you guys Japanese? You're speaking English. It makes it hard for me to guess."

"Well, yeah. And of course we know English, it's part of our job." Ichigo rolled his eyes. English is one of the most common languages in the whole world, of course every shinigami needs to know how to speak it. Not that Ichigo learnt it because he was a shinigami. He only learnt it because it was taught at his school. Duh.

Rukia pinched Ichigo.

"Some of you don't look it."

"Is that an insult about my orange hair?"

"No, no. You just don't look Japanese."

"Well I am. Deal with it."

"Okay. And what's his name."

Confusion.

"The one with the blue hair and bad language."

Growl. "Grimmjow."

"No second name?"

"Meh. Can't be bothered saying it."

"Or maybe this is just a fanfiction and the authors too lazy to write your last name."

Silence.

"Okay... maybe not."

Another minute of awkward foot shuffling.

"Sooooo... "

Uh oh. Not again.

"What are you doing in the desert, looking like you've been wandering around all day without any food or water?"

"I did not think this one through." Rukia muttered to Ichigo.

"Wait 'till Gin wakes up. Then we can have him make up some wild story." Ichigo muttered back.

"Okay." Rukia replied. "But what do we say for now?"

The man peered at them over the top of his sunnies. His eyes were green. "Watcha whispering about?"

"Nothing." Came the quick reply from Ichigo.

Grimmjow, confused said: "It's none of your buisness why we were in the desert."

"Okay..." the man held up his hands. "No need to get so defensive. I was just curious. You don't have to reply if you don't want to."

Ichigo decided to get back on track. "Do you mind telling us how much longer it will be before we reach the city over there?" Cue pointing at the city.

"What city?" The man asked.

"Waddya mean, what city? It's right there." Grimmjow snapped.

"Uh uh." The mam shook his head. "There's no city around for miles."

"But what about that one?" Ichigo asked, still pointing.

"Most likely a mirage." The man laughed. "Sometimes children are so oblivious."

"Mirage?" Rukia questioned.

"You know, hallucinations in the desert." The man flapped his hand about.

"Nope." Rukia and Grimmjow replied simultaneously.

"Yep." Said Ichigo at the same time.

"Oh." Said the man. "Well, you were most likely seeing one."

"F***." Said Ichigo, catching on to the mans drift.

"What?" Grimmjow asked. "What is it?"

"We are nowhere near anywhere."

"F***."

* * *

**AN: Sorry, this is so late. I went away to camp for a week and couldn't write, or post a thing. But, I am guilty. This was sitting on my phone on Sunday, the day before I left, waiting to be posted and I didn't. Well, I tried to post. I doesn't work on a phone. But, now I have the laptop and am planning on updating this, and one other story. BE HAPPY! Also, it's now the holidays, so I will have heaps more time to post stuff. :-)**

**Reviews are love.**

**Please check out a poll I have going on my profile, your opinions would be greatly appreciated.**

**~MehLikey**


	5. Chapter 4: Road Trip

**AN: To everyone who has reviewed, favourited, or followed this story, I give a deep heart felt thanks and a scorched almond. You are all amazing.**

**In the previous chapter I had a song in there and I just want to quickly clear something up. The song version may vary from place to place and person to person. Little ole me, here in NZ knows one version of it. Little ole someone else who lives in...say... Africa might know a slightly different version. Still the same song, just slightly different words. I don't mean to sound grumpy or anything, I just want to make sure that's clear.**

**Oh yeah, the OC I put in last chapter has no purpose except for bringing them back to civilisation.**

**And on to the next chapter. You know, I think this is either my longest, or second longest chapter I've written. But, then again, I am just looking at the overall amount of words in this chapter, so the AN is included. Meh.**

**DISCLAIMER: ME NO OWN BLEACH!**

* * *

**Chapter 4: Lets All Go On A Road Trip!**

"F***, f***, and f***."

One guess who said that. (For any idiot who can't guess who it is, IT'S GRIMMJOW! Duh.)

Grimmjow banged his head on the happy mans car.

"Hey!" The happy man said, trying to restrain Grimmjow from doing it again. "Stop that. You'll dent my car."

Regardless of what the man was trying to do, Grimmjow kept going.

"Doesn't look like Grimmjow cares." Rukia commented.

"I said stop!" The happy man didn't look so happy anymore. "That's my car!"

He applied more force to the hold he had on Grimmjow, careful to avoid hurting Shuhei, who was still unconscious on Grimmjows back. It was a wonder that Shuhei hadn't woken up yet, with all the banging and yelling Grimmjow was doing.

Grimmjow kept banging away, oblivious to the hands trying to restrain him. A small trickle of blood ran down his forehead.

"Dude! Stop!" The happy man gave a big yank backwards. "You're bleeding."

Grimmjow kept going. "F*** f*** f*** f*** f***."

The once-happy man looked back at Ichigo. "Aren't you going to stop him?"

Ichigo shrugged. "What Grimmjow does is entirely up to him."

"What about your friend on his back, uh, what's his name? Shoe, Show, uhhhhh, Shoe...Hey!"

A moment silence, only broken with Grimmjows constant banging and swearing.

Ichigo looked blank. Completely clueless as he was, he couldn't help but wonder if the man was ever going to notice that there was blood on his ever so precious car.

Rukia spoke. "Shuhei."

The man nodded at Rukia and then continued. "He's gonna get hurt, being banged around on..."

"Grimmjow." Rukia added helpfully.

"Grimmjows back like that." The man finished.

"He's already hurt." Muttered Ichigo.

Rukia rolled her eyes. "Just put Gin and me down, we'll be fine. You stop Grimmjow from going on a rampage."

"But that's what hollows do, they go on rampages."

"Shut up and put me down already Strawberry!" Rukia snapped.

"Fine."

Ichigo carefully lowered Rukia to the ground and she shakily stood up.

"Midget." Ichigo muttered as he handed Gin to Rukia.

Rukia kicked him. "Get going."

Ichigo rolled his eyes and went to where Grimmjow was.

He placed a hand on Grimmjows shoulder, careful to avoid Shuhei and gave a big pull towards himself.

Grimmjow came backwards, almost too fast for Ichigo to stop him falling. But luckily he was, at the last second, able to stop Grimmjow from falling over and squashing Shuhei.

"What the f*** was that for?" Grimmjow snapped.

"You could have hurt Shuhei." Calm old Ichigo.

"Worried about your boyfriend are you?"

"He's not my boyfriend!" Bye bye calm old Ichigo.

"So what is he then, your lover?"

"That's the same thing!"

"Oh yeah?"

"OH YEAH!"

"You didn't deny him being your lover, did you?"

"He's not my lover!"

"Then what is he to you?"

"...A SOUL REAPER!"

Silence.

The man looked at Ichigo and Grimmjow.

"Oh shit." Whispered Grimmjow. "Now you've done it."

"Me? You're the one who provoked me in the first place."

"And? That doesn't prove anything."

"If you hadn't asked that question we wouldn't be in this situation."

Smack. Smack.

"MORONS!" Rukia yelled. "Stop arguing for once and actually do something productive."

Grimmjow coughed and tilted his head at Shuhei.

Ichigo raised an eyebrow.

The man came closer. "You are some weird children, you know that. How did you get better so fast?" That question was directed at Rukia.

"Oh," she said airily. "I was never that bad in the first place."

Then she coughed. It sounded like she said healing kido but Ichigo couldn't be sure.

The man shook his head. "Make that, really weird children." Obviously he didn't catch the pointed coughs message.

Grimmjow laughed. "Us, weird? Nah, we're pretty normal. Just wait till Gin wakes up. Then you'll meet weird."

"Someone buzzed?" Gin popped up in the middle of the circle.

The man looked at the new arrival. Silver hair, closed eyes (he thinks), a creepy grin and a yukata (not that he knew what a yukata was).

The man jumped back, shocked.

Gin grinned even happier. "So ya found out that it was just a mirage? Shame."

"You knew?" Grimmjow questioned.

Gin shrugged. "Ima captain, I know these things."

The man laughed. "A...errr...you look about thirteen... A thirteen year old claiming he's a captain? Yeah, right."

Gin grinned even bigger. "Oh yeah?"

The man raised an eyebrow. "Oh yeah."

"Is this what we sound like?" Grimmjow asked Ichigo.

Ichigo shrugged. "Dunno."

Rukia quietly slipped Shuhei off Grimmjows back.

When Grimmjow glared at her, she put a finger to her lips.

She slipped off round behind the car.

Grimmjow looked curiously at Ichigo.

"Finally remembered that she knows some healing kido." Ichigo whispered to Grimmjow.

"Finally." Grimmjow replied.

They looked back at Gin and the man.

"And what might your name be?" Gin questioned.

The man scratched his head. "Bob Smith. Nice to meet you."

He held out a hand.

Gin looked at it. And looked at it. And looked at it some more.

He turned round and looked at Ichigo. Ichigo shrugged.

So Gin turned back around and looked at Bobs hand some more. Finally, he blankly looked up at Bob.

"Whaddya want me to do with your hand? Kiss it?" The confusion was clear in Gins voice.

Bob got the message, finally and withdrew his hand.

"You were meant to shake it." Bob said sheepishly.

Gin looked confused.

Bob sighed. He grabbed Gins right hand with his right hand.

"Like this." And Bob shook Gins hand.

"Ohhhhhh." Gin nodded. "I get it now."

"He doesn't," Grimmjow whispered to Ichigo. "He's just saying that."

Rukia came back around the car with Shuhei on her back. She gave Ichigo a thumbs up sign and then held up three fingers, followed by no fingers.

Ichigo nodded. He got the message.

Healing went fine. He should wake up in thirty minutes.

She walked over to Ichigo and Grimmjow and looked where they were looking.

Gin. And Bob.

"So you go like this?" Gin grabbed Bobs hand and wrenched it up and down really hard. Bob attempted to withdraw his hand but Gin had a grip of steel.

"Ow, ow, ow. That hurts." Bob yelped.

Gin stopped and tilted his head.

Bob took it as a chance to remove his hand from Gins.

"But isn't it meant to hurt?"

"No!" Bob exclaimed. "It's not! It's what two people do when they meet each other."

"Oh," Gin looked dejected. "Well that's boring."

Bob glared.

Gin smiled.

Bob glared harder.

Gin smiled.

Bob glared even harder.

Gin smiled.

And the staring competition began. It was a little bit one sided though.

"Looks like those two have gotten off to a bad start." Ichigo commented.

Rukia sighed. "That's not good."

"Why?" Grimmjow asked curiously.

"Because that man may be our only way out of the desert alive." Rukia replied in a 'it's so obvious I can't believe you didn't get it' voice.

Suddenly they heard Gin speak again. Rukia, Grimmjow and Ichigo looked up.

"Ya gonna glare at me all day or are ya gonna help five lonely kids ya just found in the desert to the nearest town?"

Bob sighed. "I'd like to leave you here, but I guess I can't."

Rukias eyes widened. "Don't say a word." She whispered to Ichigo and Grimmjow. "Looks like we are just about to get our ticket out of here."

Bob looked at Grimmjow. "I'd also like to leave you behind, but I guess that won't be happening either."

Grimmjow smiled smugly.

"Fine." Bob sighed. "I'll take you to the town I'm going to. It'll be a two day drive."

"Thank you very much." Said Ichigo and Rukia in unison.

"What they said." Grimmjow jabbed a thumb at the two who had just spoken.

Everyone looked at Gin.

Gin looked back.

"What?" He asked.

Rukia glared at him. Stupid captains. Only ever thinking of themselves. Except for nee-san. Now, he was a captain worth respecting.

"Oh." Gin slapped his forehead. "Right."

He reached into a pocket in his yukata and pulled out a soul pager.

"I got ya. Text the Soul Society and they can come pick us up."

Gin started tapping away on his Soul Pager, oblivious to the stares he was getting.

"Lessee, what to say. I know! 'Mayuri decided we were test subjects and dumped us in the Sahara Desert.' Hmmmm. What else. 'Come pick us up.' And that's all. Wait. 'From Captain Ichimaru.' Pressing send." Gin snapped the Soul Pager shut and put it back in his pocket. "Now to wait for a reply."

Bob stared at Gin. "Has it only just occurred to him now that he has a phone and is able to call help?"

He looked at the others.

Rukia had made an emo corner for herself.

"Why didn't I think of that earlier?" she muttered at she stared at her hands. "Why?"

Ichigo looked annoyed and Grimmjow had gone on another swearing fit. What Grimmjow said will not be repeated. EVER.

* * *

**In the Soul Society.**

BEEP!

Akon took one last look at the incoming texts from Soul Pagers. He hoped it wasn't another excuse about why all the paperwork hadn't been done. He seemed to get a lot of those. And they were always from the same person, sent to the same person.

Lucky for him, it wasn't.

It was a message from Squad Threes captain to his lieutenant and Squad Sixes lieutenant.

Why it was to the Squad Six lieutenant as well was a mystery to him, but the least he could do was check over the message and send it on to those who were meant to receive it. That's what he was meant to do to every message he gets. But if the check goes bad, Captain Kurotsuchi gets involved.

Akon opened the text message.

'Mayuri decided we were test subjects and dumped us in the Sahara Desert. Come pick us up. From Captain Ichimaru.'

Akons eyebrows rose.

"Captain Kurotsuchi!" He called, leaning over the big computer screen to see the dissecting table which Mayuri was currently working at.

'What?" Mayuri snapped. "What is it?"

"An interesting text message has come through."

"Send it on. I'm busy dissecting, as you can see. Nemu, pass the scapel."

"But sir, it's from Captain Ichimaru. Something about-"

Mayuri appeared next to Akon, dissecting forgotten.

"Delete it."

"But-"

"Why does everyone like questioning my orders at the moment?"

"No, no. I'm not-"

"Fine. Send one back saying that we have no captain called Ichimaru here in the Soul Society and that the phoney must have out dated information because Gin died in the war with Aizen."

"Yes Captain Kurotsuchi."

* * *

**Back in the desert.**

BLEEP!

Gin jumped.

"There's my reply." He hummed.

Gin pulled out the phone and read: "'Sorry, but we do not have any captains going by the name of Captain Ichimaru in the Soul Society. You must have out dated information, you phoney. Captain Ichimaru died in the war against Aizen.'"

Everyone froze.

"I forgot." Gin said, dead serious for once. "All text messages go through Squad Twelve before reaching the receiver."

"AND YOU REMEMBER NOW?!" Grimmjow yelled.

* * *

**Karakura Town.**

A senkimon opened and a red haired Soul Reaper stepped through.

"I hope this is where Ichigo and Rukia went. I haven't seen them since the party last night."

The Soul Reaper jumped to the top of a close by building.

"I'll go check the Kurosaki residence first. Maybe they just got tired and came back to the Living World."

And over the buildings and far away went the Soul Reaper.

* * *

**AN:** **Whoa. This was a long chapter. And I wrote it in a day.**

**If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask.**

**I'm sorry if there's mistakes. I do go over my work, but it's just a quick once over for typos. I know my writing isn't perfect, probably something to do with the fact that I'm only in Year 9. Err... Year 10. Ummm... Somewhere in the middle. (Christmas holidays, always a pain when people ask what year you are) If anyone wants to beta this story, hint hint.**

**I know, I know, I swap between taicho and captain. Someone set me straight, I'm totally confused. Meh, I'll edit it. If I can be bothered. EDIT: I BOTHERED! Yes, I went through the whole story and changed it all to captain. If you spot any taichos, could you please tell me, so I can fix my mistake.**

**Please review, don't just favourite and follow.**

**That's all folks!**

**Wait! Nearly forgot! I have a poll up on my page asking which story you want me to put in top priority (I have three) which I would be really glad if you could go and answer. I can't keep having them all in top priority unless you are happy with random, sporadic updates for all three.**

**~MehLikey**


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